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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category

Boss just came home from school, so I asked him what he learned about in school today.  He said they learned what was hot and what was cold.  The following conversation ensued:

Me: So what’s hot?

Boss: A volcano.

Bubba: Yeah!  It’s real hot!  It will melt you!

Me: Yep, that’s right!

Me: So what’s cold?

Boss: Water.

Me: Well, water can be hot or cold.

Boss: It’s cold when it comes out of the sink.

Me: Hot water can come out of the sink, too.  You know what is ALWAYS cold? Ice.

Boss: Not if it melts.

Me: If it melts, it’s no longer ice.

Boss: True.

Me: So what else is hot?

Boss: YOU!

I promise you that’s how it happened!  That kids cracks me up!

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Grab Her Foot

Shmoopy had taken the kids out to eat last Saturday while I was at a meeting.  On the way to the car, Bubba said, “Daddy?”  Shmoopy said, “Yes, buddy?”  Bubba said, “When Momma goes to Heaven, I’m gonna grab her foot.”

Ahhh!  When Shmoopy told me that, my heart melted.  What a sweet thing to say!  I asked him if he asked what he meant.  You know, did he want to keep me from going to Heaven, or did he just want to catch a ride with me.  But Shmoopy being the man that he is just left it at that and had not inquired further.

So I took it upon myself yesterday to ask Bubba why he was going to grab my foot when I go to Heaven.  He said, “Well, you’re gonna blow up.”

Huh?

I said, “I’m gonna blow up?”

He said, “You’re gonna blow up to Heaven.”

I said, “Oh, like float up in the sky?”

He said, “Yea.  Because God loves you!”

Man, isn’t that THE SWEETEST THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!!!!  I thought so.  What a kid.  It’s times like that that make up for the moments when he’s screaming how mad he is at me.

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Huh?

Below is a conversation I just had a few minutes ago with Bubba while we were painting.  I love this stuff and think it’s adorable.  However, it’s also why I crave adult interaction the way a heroine addict craves heroine!  Not the best analogy I know, but my brain cells have been killed by motherhood.

Bubba: I’m making an elephant.  And I’m making a little boat.  It’s a little one.

Me: Is the elephant in the boat?

Bubba: Yea.

Me: Is the boat sinking because the elephant’s too big for it?

Bubba: No.  It’s not a boat.

Me: Oh.  What is it, then?

Bubba: IT’S A GIRAFFE!!!!

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0903-008I know God is real because Bubba is finally potty-trained!!!  Seriously, people, I was beginning to think that would NEVER happen!  But I dedicated the day Wednesday to trying, without much hope, the potty-train in one day method and it worked!!  Hallelujah!  Cue the choir of angels!

Remember, if you will, that he was having problems going poopoo on the potty.  Well, he passed the test tonight.  He came and told me he needed to go poopoo, so we ran and sat him on the potty.  After 20 minutes, he did the deed.  He cried when it happened because it scared him.  I assured him that it was a great thing to celebrate.  And when he realized what he had done he said very emphatically, “It’s a BIG one!!”

Ha!  I’m SO beyond blessed!

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boy-vs-girlAs I was changing Sissy’s diaper today, Boss exclaimed, “Uh oh, Mom, Sissy doesn’t have her peepee yet!”

I laughed and said, “She has her peepee, buddy.  She’s a girl and her peepee is supposed to look like that.”

To which he replied, “No, it’s missing.”

I told him, “Girls’ peepees look like that, and boys’ peepees look like yours and Daddy’s.”

He said, “You’re a girl and you have a peepee like mine, so she just hasn’t gotten hers yet.”

I almost rolled over laughing at that!  I told him most assuredly that my peepee most certainly does not look like his or Daddy’s and explained very briefly to him that all girls look like Sissy and all boys look like him.  I have no idea why he thinks mine looks like his; he hasn’t even been allowed to see me naked for almost 2 years!  Ha, my kids crack me up!

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discount-tireSo this is how my day went:

Sissy had to get 5, that’s right 1-2-3-4-5, vaccine shots in her beautiful little skinny 6-month old legs this morning.  And Debra, the PA for our doctor, had the day off so some stranger had to do it.  She was fine, but it wasn’t the same.  At the end of the 2 hour appointment, I was worn out from the boys playing catch in the exam room with Dr. Clark while he and I were trying to discuss Sissy’s perfect development.  You can’t blame them; Dr. Clark was encouraging the atrocious behavior!

Then we met Grammy, my mom, in downtown Dallas for our usual Friday lunch.  As we climbed out of the van, the officer assigned to the parking lot approached us and said, “Excuse me ma’am.  Can I show you something?  There’s a nail in your tire.”

Great!  So we had lunch and found the nearest Discount Tire to downtown Dallas.  Then I took two rambunctious boys, ages 2 and 5, and a sweet 6-month old baby girl there and waited for about 3 hours!

Of course, they couldn’t just repair the tire because the nail was stuck in the sidewall (how did it get way up there anyway?)!  And of course, they didn’t have our type of tire in stock.  And, of course, the two closest Discount Tires that had our tires in stock were in Ft. Worth and Keller…not close.  So, after talking to Shmoopy on the phone, we decided to have them put the spare tire on the van and have the store closest to us order our tire.  Whew, now we just have to wait.

Not!  “Excuse me, ma’am.  Your vehicle came with run-flat tires originally, so you don’t have a spare tire.”

Me: “Yes, we do.  My husband bought one when we decided to take off the run-flat tires.”

Guy: “We took out the stroller and looked under there and we looked in the wheel well in the back and there’s not a tire in there.”

Me: “Well, let me call my husband.” (I did and he confirmed my story.)

Me after walking out to the van: “Sir, here’s the tire right here.”

Guy: “Oh, okay.  I don’t know why we didn’t see that.  We’ll get it right on.”

A few minutes later…”Excuse me, ma’am.”  AGH!!  Now what?!?!  “Your lug nuts for your spare tire won’t work.”  You’re kidding me, right?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, the guy was really trying hard.  He even took the lug nuts off of HIS OWN CAR in hopes that they would work and he could give them to me, but they were too small.  So the choice became either wait for Shmoopy to bring me the lug nuts that did fit that were sitting in our garage 30 miles north or go with a different tire.  We decided to go with a different tire.

So, while they were putting the new tire on the van, I took the kids over to Braum’s because the boys were going stir-crazy in Discount Tire and Sissy had to nurse.  I get up to the counter and order 2 junior soft-serve cones.  The guy takes out a waffle cone and prepares to scoop ice cream into it.  I say, “Do you have the little sugar cones because my boys don’t like waffle cones.”

Guy: “This is a sugar cone.  Do you mean waffle cones?”

Me: “Sure.  Yea, that one.”

Guy: “Okay. Sure.”  He proceeds to dip ice cream into two cones that he calls waffle cones and I call sugar cones.  Then when he rings up my order, he charges me like $1.75 per cone, when they were supposed to be $.79 each.  I just gave him a confused look and he said, “I have to charge you for a single dip instead of the junior cone because of the type of cone you wanted.”

So, what’s going through my mind is, “Why didn’t you tell me that before you dipped them up because there’s no way I would have agreed to pay that much when I just wanted to get my boys out of Discount Tire and feed my baby!”  But, in actuality, I couldn’t express any words and just merely looked up to the heavens in total disbelief as to how my day was going.

At the point, the guy realizes that I’m about to have a breakdown, and says, “Don’t get irate, I’ll just charge you for junior cones!”  Um…yea you will!!!

Then the boys ate their ice cream, Sissy ate her breastmilk and we went back to Discount Tire where the van was waiting nicely for us with a brand new tire.  Mind you, throughout this 3 hour process, there were about 15 trips to the bathroom, several diaper changes and innumerable messes that included urine, poop, salt, pepper, grease, ketchup, ice cream and water.  No, I’m not kidding.  Needless to say, I was not a happy Momma this afternoon!

Oh, and as we were pulling onto the highway, my light came on indicating that I needed to stop and get gas!  That was kind of comical actually!  I rolled into the driveway about 30 seconds before Shmoopy got home from work and we began discussing what we were going to have for dinner.  Um, didn’t I just get back from lunch?

Seriously, though, it could have been much worse.  I could have been stranded on the side of the highway with three kids, a flat tire and a spare tire that wouldn’t fit because I had the wrong lug nuts!  So, thank you, Lord!!!

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potty

Bubba is potty-training.  He’s doing fabulously when it comes to going peepee in the potty.  He doesn’t even have to be told most of the time.  He can hold it for 2-3 hours at a time!  I am so thankful for that.

However, I am experiencing an issue with him that I never experienced while potty-training Boss: he refuses to go poopoo in the potty!  He even seems to be scared to go poopoo in the potty!  As far as I know (and I’m with him almost 24-7) he has never had a traumatic experience while going poopoo, on the potty or otherwise.

I am much more patient this time around; however, I am rather anxious to see how long this is going to take to get him to start using the potty for both purposes.  Every time I buy a new box of pull-ups, I hope that it will be the last ones I have to buy for him.  But, when I have days like today, I think that it may be quite awhile.  Let me tell you what happened.

Yesterday morning, Bubba was showing all the signs of needing to go poopoo, so I sat him on his little portable potty in his bedroom and played with his trains with him hoping he would go.  Well, long-story short, after an hour, he still hadn’t gone.  So I dressed him and we went on with our day.  He never went all day.  He does this often.  When we make him sit on the potty, he holds in it and it doesn’t come out for another 24-36 hours!

Well, this morning he was watching Sesame Street without any underwear on (part of our training) and I heard him go to his bedroom and start playing with his trains.  I walked in his room after a few minutes to check on him and he had put a pull-up on and pooped in it!  It seems to me that if he’s aware enough to know that he has to go poopoo enough ahead of time to go and put a pull-up on, then he should be able to just go sit on the potty and poopoo in there!

I asked him the other day how old he was going to be when he starts going poopoo and peepee in the potty all the time.  Without hesitation he stated matter of factly, “Three.”  He won’t be three for 2 more months.  I guess he knows exactly what he’s doing.

Do any of you experienced moms out there have any input?

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